Dignity and Grace

My mother's sister is called by her nephews and nieces Aunt Dee. Her given name was Dorothy Virginia Hoffman, then as a young lady Mrs. Dorothy Brewer, and for about the last forty years Mrs. Dorothy Wagner. Yet to me her name is Dignity and Grace. If our family had a Queen no doubt she would be our royalty.

 

When Uncle Jim her first husband died of leukemia shortly after they had adopted my cousins Chris and Scott, she became a widow in her thirties. Two weeks later grandma, Aunt Dee and my mother's mother, died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was only seven years old but I remember how sad it was. I have a clear memory of retreating to my "special place" to cry and at some point I can recall Dad lovingly trying to console Mom, who was obviously experiencing deep double grief; both for loss of her mother and for her Sister's fate.

Most of us in such a situation would stoop to complaining, grumbling, perhaps despair and worry. Whether Aunt Dee succumbed to any of these I could not know. But I do know that we never witnessed anything remotely related to these emotions and such emotions, when rooted, can not help but be seen over time. All we have ever seen in our Aunt Dee is a dignified attitude and a quiet graceful persistence. 


Recently, at our much loved Uncle Ed Wagner's funeral service I sat behind Aunt Dee slightly to her side. While observing her next to my cousin Chris with her typical elegance, I realized that she was a Lady in every sense of the word. Though obviously sad there was equality evident a gentile strength. I had always thought that Chris was perhaps the emotional leader, but I understood now that if true it was so because of Aunt Dee.

It is odd how in such a brief moment our minds can deduce a life time of experiences and thoughts. Though only a nephew and knowing what could only be glimpses of Aunt Dee's life, I instantly recalled while sitting there a collection of events that confirmed her dignity to me. For example, Aunt Dee would not let Uncle Ed stay at her house together with Chris, Scott, and herself prior to being married because it was improper. Similarly, Aunt Dee having been married once before insisted that she would not wear white when marrying Uncle Ed because it was again - improper.

 
After Uncle Ed died and prior to the service she asked to meet separately with me about reading a statement concerning Uncle Ed and how she wished to honor him. She had also asked my brother Eric to share about Uncle Ed's brave military record. She obviously labored over the statement because it contained a well organized life time of key events and memories. She took great care to not only explain what she had written but to ensure that I understood how important it was to properly present it. She gracefully communicated the weight of her desire. And her countenance was dignified throughout. You see that this really was not surprising, for her as it always has been, it was the proper thing to do.

Biography of Robert William Brown, Sr - Chapter Three

In 1950 Bill Brown (Dad) was in the Army during the Korean War. At first he was regular army, however as time went by that changed. Through the years Dad has mentioned some of his experiences:

• Once when Dad and Mom and all of us (Doug, Bob, Eric, and Sharon) were eating a fine meal on a trip, Dad mentioned the first time he ordered a steak at a restaurant was while in the Service . He recalled that when the steak arrived he thought it was for everyone at the table. Obviously, growing up his family shared a single serving amongst everyone. Just one more indicator how life was a bit different and how much more prosperous Dad has made life for us.
  
• With other Service Men Dad was able to go swimming in the Gulf off the Florida coast during leave time. Several of them swam and floated far out into the clear blue salt water when they noticed a row boat approaching them from the shore. In the boat a Life Guard from the beach stopped rowing, looked down at the phased soldiers and informed them that this was shark infested waters and then he proceeded to row back to the shore. I guess they experienced a 1950's version of immediate "shock and awe." Back to the Beach they swam.
  
• Dad's son Bob once recounted that Dad had mentioned to him in passing while they were in a hospital waiting room that a police officer had once approached Dad and a group of soldiers. He curiously asked them if they had been luring sharks with meat hooks. When the officer realized that the soldiers were puzzled. He explained, someone had been taking baited meat hooks far out into the Gulf with a rope attached and then tying the other end to a truck bumper. Upon hooking a shark, the boat would signal to the truck driver who proceeded to drag the shark from the water, across the beach and through the town until they reached a grocery store parking lot. What a site that must have been for local customers.
• The Army was having the soldiers run races. The winner from each group was permitted to sit on a little hill and watch the other soldiers race. Dad being fast was one of the soldiers who got to relax and enjoy the privilege each winner was afforded. That is until they were told that they were going to be trained to carry explosives to bunkers. Such soldiers had a life expectancy of 1 minute.
 
• One evening when Dad and his fellow soldiers spent an evening partaking of adult beverages perhaps more and longer than they should have, especially given that they had to be up at 5 am for their morning run. One fellow soldier became inebriated. Dad said that going through boot camp, extensive training, the discipline, and the hard earned accomplishments tended to bond each man together. That being the case the group of soldiers took turns running their friend, through puke and unconsciousness, until he became sober enough to be able to wake up a few hours later, ready to run another five miles and an hour of PT (Physical Training) all of course before breakfast. Now that's a night on the town.
• Dad's two oldest son's when they were younger asked him about the military footlocker he kept in the basement. The two boys were able to open it earlier in the day and found it full of military items including his Helmet and Insert helmet. They did not know that a military helmet contained two parts. When Dad returned home from work they were each wearing a part of the helmet and asked all about the military stuff in his footlocker. Curiously they asked if everyone was able to take home their footlockers. Dad explained that he was able to keep the items because he knew the Supply Sargent and the Sargent was he.

After surviving Boot Camp Dad said he took advantage of the various classes that the military offered. To him it was too good a deal to pass up. Get educated, learn something new, no charge, no brainer. Well he must not have learned too much... for he decided to become a paratrooper. Not an easy task. If you have ever read "Band of Brothers" the book outlines the extensive training that  Airborne soldiers still took during the Korean War.  Most soldiers who tried out didn't make it. He made it though. He was a proud member of the 82nd Airborne and later the 101st. The following are some of the stories he told us about being a paratrooper.

• We asked him if he was scared the first time he jumped. His answer, "Nope, but the second time ...."
• Many of the jumps involved hundreds of troopers from multiple aircrafts all jumping at the same time. The sky would be full of those white umbrella chutes with dangling soldiers. On one such occasion Dad's parachute floated over top of another troopers such that Dad's feet landed on top of a trooper's chute below him. He had to immediately run off the side before the chute would collapse under him. His from no air and the other from his weight.  On the ground Dad called out to his fellow paratrooper telling him to check his chute cause it has his foot prints on it.
• Dad flew 27 flights while in the paratroopers. It wasn't until his 28 flight when he was a civilian in the 1960's that Dad actually landed in an airplane.
  
  
  

Biography of Robert William Brown - Chapter Two

Ma lived well into her nineties and survived two marriages. It seems she had a knack for outlasting her husbands. She was from the Delo side of the family but when we knew her her last name was Snapp. Of course that makes her original name Blanch Delo.

We don't know much about her earlier marriage. But her last marriage was to a kind man named Jesse Snapp. He told us a story sometime while we were children so it had to be around the late 1960's. He told us of how his family traveled in covered wagons across the west. He was an infant at the time. This likely occurred sometime around the 1880's. After setting camp for the evening a group of strangers approached them and asked if they could have some coffee. Jesse's family invited them in and I believe served them some "fix en's" as well. While eating, the strangers were curious why they were so kind and what would they do if some outlaws like say Jesse James had stumbled into their camp. Jesse's father said "Well I guess we'd do the same and offer them to join us." At that point our step-great grandfather exclaimed that the strangers proclaimed themselves to the James Gang. Perhaps that's how he cam to be known as Jesse.

Jesse moved into Ma's house after they were married in the early 1960's, but Ma lived in the house since YYYY. Ma's house was in Beechview at Blosco Avenue midway up the steep hill. It was a large house for its day with brown shingle siding shaped like bricks. Her house was filled with oak wainscoting in nearly every room. All were stained a rich dark Oak color. Her second floor was actually an apartment with a kitchen, living room and several bedrooms. Ma lived on the first floor. The stairway with thick oak rails was the only thing that separated the second floor apartment from the first floor. That is both places shared the same entrance to the building and there was no door separating the floors. As kids, we would love to play in the apartment area and sneak up into the attic. We would of course play hide and seek, but it always seemed fascinating to us at the empty space that had once obviously been lived in. Remnants from previous tenants and family laid about. As with any attic, this one held old family keepsakes and items from Dad's youth. We can remember once seeing one of Dad's school papers. Bob and I searched in vain to see if Dad's grades were any better than ours. To our chagrin Dad's school work looked just fine.

In the 70's she converted her living room into a bedroom. This was easy since there were large hidden oak retractable doors that could be pulled out from each side of the frame to close. There were two such door ways one to the parlor and the other to the dining room which served as her living room. Directly off the substitute living room she had a kitchen pantry with stove and sink. A large kitchen dining area sat at the back of the house off the pantry. At the front entrance she had a parlor area to close out the first floor. There was no bathroom on this floor. She, being up in years, could not climb the steps very well to the second floor bathroom so she had to use a chair with a pot placed under it. She had a small porch in a little back yard which was surrounded by other houses at both sides and directly behind. All the houses were so close to each other that there really wasn't a side yard at all. And each back yard cascaded down the hill one after the other. In her garage, she had an old car that must have been an antique even back then.

Speaking of antiques, her house was full of them. From her attic to the large basement. When Ma died in 1980, Aunt Betty, Ma's other daughter and Dad's Mother's sister, let family members search the house to buy anything before she sold it to an Antique collector. We passed up several very nice buffets, tables, and beds. Dad's first son Doug was engaged to Susan Urbanski at the time and they were able to buy several antique dining room chairs, that may have been made in the late 1800's. Two have survived to this day but are in need of repair.

The Delo family tree stretches all the way back before the Revolutionary War. In fact ______ Delo, who was a Pastor was a member of the Colonial Army. We have obtained a separate history of the Delo family that was prepared by a distant relative. The Delo's were French Huguenots. Dad said that Ma had mentioned that _____ Delo was about fifteen years old when he fought for the North during the Civil War. He was shot four times, but some how survived.

 

William Cornelius Brown's Mother and Father came over from Ireland during the year _____. One was Catholic and the other Protestant. The Catholics and Protestants were at war so to speak and marriage between them would have been impossible while in Ireland. Whether or not their families knew their plans the two independently came to America. More specifically Western Pennsylvania. One came through Canada and the other through New York. Perhaps this was a love story but many Irish and Europeans were immigrating to America in the late 1800's and early 1900's.

Need information here to describe Dad's father and mother youth and how they met.

Biography of Robert William Brown - Chapter One

World War II was two years away from ending. This was the year that D-Day occurred. Its late in the evening sometime during the year 1944. A 15 year old young man helped his father by carrying him up the stairs. William C. Brown was a little older than 40 years old, but wasn't strong enough to climb the stairs in his own house. He was dying of cancer.


As offspring of the fifteen year old son of William C. Brown our only exposure to this debilitating illness was witnessing our Uncle Sam die of it when we were in our teens. He was once a strong man who could do one handed pull-ups. Several years later he was reduced to a scrawny and pitiful sight. He could only breath by carting around an oxygen tank, which he wasn't even strong enough to carry himself. I recall him often experiencing cough spasms. Deep, scratchy, and loud. They weren't pretty to watch. Various shades of brown phlegm and liquid foam would protrude from his lips as he could barely stop the spasms. Hacking and grasping for air with each cough. Though he was our uncle - certainly part of our family, and kind to us - he wasn't close to us like the heartfelt relationship between a father and a child. We can't even begin to imagine, what pain, sadness, and fright both William Brown and his young son Bill must have gone through.


About six years earlier when Bill was nine. He and his younger brother (Our now deceased Uncle Ed Brown) were likely waiting in another room of their house while their Mother, Alice Brown was in labor with their sister. Expectation, wonder, and probably a bit of joy instantly vanished. We would never know our Grandmother or our aunt. God meant otherwise. Providence has two sides. And our Dad and his brother's world changed in a way that thankfully none of Bill's children have had to experience. Dad has told us that his mother was a Godly woman whom he had often seen bowed in prayer.

In the midst of all this he still had childhood moments. Filled with fun and accidents. Dad fell out of his grandmothers attic window. Thankfully his arm and the concrete patio broke his fall. He walked away with a broken arm. He says the patio was OK too. He, Uncle Ed and the kids in the neighborhood would take advantage of the steep Beechview streets on snowy days. The steep cobblestone streets became impossible for most divers, but not for the neighborhood sled team. Judging by the smile on Dad's face as he recounted the story they must have had a good time. No doubt it had something to do with traversing parked cars, curbs, and sudden ends to the road way. He used to say no one got sick when he was young. We recall Dad laughing as he explained that it was better to fake being well when you were sick than to take every illnesses remedy - Caster Oil.


Before Dad, known to others as Robert William Brown and to friends and family as simply "Bill" was sixteen, he had lost those most dear to him. His Dad was able to re-marry in the short time since his mother's death. But our Dad's stepmother became bitter at the unexpected loss of her new husband. She felt abandoned and stuck with two children and no provider. Dad started working before he could drive - while our Grandfather was ill. Dad became his family's provider.  While rarely missing a day of school he worked at a Drug store and later after his father's death at a Gulf gas station. His paychecks went to providing for his stepmother and himself. Times were tough. Uncle Ed, Dad's brother, had to live with "Ma", our great grandmother. Ma was Alice Brown's mother. His stepmother grew more bitter at her circumstances and they were at best struggling to make ends meet. Dad was sick to find out one day when returning home from school that she had sold his two dogs. The last of Dad's friends were gone.

In all this sorrow God did shine a little light through the clouds in the form of his mother's brother; Uncle John Gray. Uncle John would be a source of encouragement to Dad until his sudden death in the late nineteen sixties. He set a strong example for him. Perhaps such care was an answer to his mother's prayers. Dad also found some comfort in visiting Ma's house and lived with Ma after graduating high school for just a short time until he voluntarily enlisted in the service during the Korean War.

When in the Hands of Providence

I've been pondering how both a Provident God and Suffering work together for our good. Even this statement seems odd, since how can it be that God who is in His very nature good and suffering in its very nature appears bad could be thought of "working together". Certainly at first glance they are not compatible in the least. And yet, scripture is replete with statements and stories clearly stating otherwise. One such scripture is Romans 5:3-4. In this Paul rejoices in suffering - Why? Why - because suffering according to Paul produces endurance (perseverance) which produces character and character hope. And hope does not disappoint! This is a profound thought and begs a much deeper look which I long to do. But let me start with just this - Look at a man who has hope in God after years of serving and you will see Character. From this you will instantly know, without doubt that he has endured through suffering. And how can this not be good.

This passage provides some help about how suffering and a Provident God work together and most certainly would provide encouragement to others who observe such a man. But would the man that is suffering be encouraged from his circumstances? Does this alone explain the incompatibility of a good Provident God and suffering?

In our next post I will explore this in greater detail....